Let's Read: Supper Smash Bros Mishonh From God
by SinsOfTime
Summary: I review the My Immortal of the Super Smash Bros fandom. Insanity ensues. Rated M for possible strong language later on, as well as the contents of the story.
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR NOTE: Hey, all. A day or two ago, someone sent me this fanfiction as a joke. As a former Smash Bros player, I've heard of this fic before but have never read it myself. So I thought I'd take y'all on a ride through this madness just as a few others have done.**

**Heaven or Hell, let's rock.**

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Hi my name is Sara (not Palin unfortanetly) and im a 13 yearold girl who loves America and God and the Constantution so i librul soshalist who likes barrack obama than LEAVE NAO and go back too getting wefare for noting and trying to turn every1 into gay athists also I lik video games like supper smash bras and otters even thou im a gril (my mom sad id turn a les if I play video game but I put pics of jaykob from twilit and juston beber in my room so idont).** (Uh, wow. Narrow minded, homophobic, AND a Twilight/Justin Beiber lover. This chick's the whole package.)**

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CHAP 1: MISSON FORM GOD **(God is made out of "missons". Ok, then.)**

I was in my seance class one dat when my librul teacher mr jonson was talkin about evilusion. **(That sounds like a fun class.)**

"an tat is why humins came form monkees and their is no god" he said.

I razed my han.d** (Well done, you've destroyed one of your hands within the first five seconds of the story. A+.)**

"yes Sara" he said.

"if humin came from monkees why r their still monks"** (Maybe because not all of the monkeys evolved? Really, it's not that absurd of an idea to swallow.)**

my teacher had no anser for that so he give me a ditention and an f on my test.

"hahaha!" he sad "you Christens wil be defeet on day! athests alreedy rule dis cuntry becuz of obama car and son all Christens will goto deaf panells!" **(What.)**

just then the door toteh science room opened and God walked in. he was waring a rob and had a bread like he allways does. **(God is wearing bread. Why in the blue hell is God wearing bread?)**

"mr jonson ur gong too HELL!"

"no cuz u arnt reel" mr jonson said. **(He's right in front of you, dumbass.)**

"lol ur a moran" God said and he stroked mr jonson with lighting and mr jonson ded.

"yay!" said all the Christens in the class.

"boo!" said the Heatrans so God stroked all them to. **(Why is he giving Pokémon strokes now?)**

"ok now I nead too talk too Sara God said. "so everbuddy else leave."

"ok" my classmates left the room. **(That was so amazingly anti-climactic I can't find words. I can't wait for God to walk into my classroom just so I can say something like that.)**

"Sara Osborne ive bean watching u for sum time," he sad, "this world isnt the only on I mad."

"for real" I ask.

"yea do u no about video games."

"yea I play them with my bro and Lauren" (my bro is my brother and Lauren is my BFF forever and shes a PCC (Pretty Consertative Christen) like me to) **(That's...nice, I guess? I don't really bother with politics, so I don't care.)**

"well they are real because when u play the nother unevirse I made" **(We're dealing with alternate universes now? What the hell is this, ****_Bioshock Infinite_*****?)**

"cool God" I hi fived God.

"ok but theres treble. Satan found out about this and now hes in Nentendo World. Only u can stop him b4 he dose evil stuff their." **(Why is Satan attacking Nintendo games? Is he bored or something?)**

"oh no." **("The ultimate evil of my world is attacking another world and will cause bad things to happen if he is not stopped. I will respond to this with the most underwhelmed reaction possible.")**

"right this is the hardest thing u ever done even harder than ur math test last month. God thing i'm God and I can give u cool powers and stuff." **(GAH! Oh, that was just my Mary Sue detector. Scared the crap outta me for a second.)**

So God gave me some power and I fell to sleep. When I woke up I was outside of the Smosh Manshon! **(Isn't Smosh completely unrelated to Smash Bros? I think he teleported you to the wrong place.)**

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**AUTHOR NOTE: Well, this certainly looks like it'll be an interesting trainwreck. A trainwreck filled with boring one-sided battles, OOCness, and overall bad writing. Now if you'll all excuse me, I'm going to go prepare myself to review the rest of this horror.**

*** = For the record, I really like Bioshock Infinite. This was not meant as an insult.**


	2. Chapter 2

First of all whats a troll?** (Oh, for the love of-**) I men I think I fot sum in a game b4 but there not in my story so why did you mention them in the revew. **(Probably because they wanted to see how badly you'd misunderstand what they were saying.)** And whats a mary sue? And my mom and dad sad that I need to spred the truth of God's word on the intranet and speak out aganst the soshalists destroying America.** (Your parents are idiots.)**  
Also I didnt updaty yesterday becuz my family thought that their woud be the raptor. Lauren said their woudnt and she was rite so I gess that provs who smart she is. **(Glad to see someone has their head on their shoulders.)**

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CHAP 2: SARA MEATS CHARECTERS **(How do you "meat" someone? Do you say hi and they turn into sandwich meat or something?)**

the smash mantian was a really big hose with like a gatrillion romos** (Romos? Oh my god, those are totally cool!)** an was alota stories tall I was inteminated by who big it was. Suddenly someon came. It was like a robot except a person was in it.** (That's called power armor.)**

"hai their pretty gurl" the robot person said. **(Oh, boy.)**

"u think im pretty" I saod.

"yea ur the hotist gurl ive ever sean."

I thought it was Mister Chef from Hallo but it wasnt but I didnt no that so I cloded my eyes an mad out with robot person but when I open them its not Mastre Cheef but SAMAS ERIN! **(Why the hell would you randomly make out with someone you just encountered mere seconds ago? Better yet, why would you do that to Master Chief? He's technically 46, and you claim to be 13.)**

"hahahhaha I triked u** (No you didn't. Sara was just being an idiot.)** in too thikning I was a dud but im a girl" samas said.

"why do u do these! I liek guys nit girls ima Christen!" I shooted. **(So? I'm pretty sure lesbian Christians exist. And where did you get a gun?)**

"BECAUSE IMA LESBAN!" Samas said "anf im a antithesis so I want u 2 goto hell for bein gay like me."

than Samas tred too rap me she took of my shirt (I had my bra under so I wasnt tipless) adn my shirt which had pantees under it so I still wasnt nakid. **(You were wearing a shirt on the lower half of your body instead of pants? In what way does that make sense?)**

"no help!" I screemed. Lucklily Link and Math and Icke wear nearbye so they git hoarses and ran up and came b4 iy was to late.

"stop been a gay librul Samas" Icke said.

"yea wereman and your a women so lissen to us" Link said. **(Sexism. How splendid.)**

"but im a lesban so im a femanast and im not gonna lissen to u" Samas said. She taked of my shoes next. They were fancy hi-hells from goosepy zanaty that cast my mom $2000. butthan Marth grabed Samas with his hercule arms and through her in teh moot off the manshan. **(...I have no words for this.)**

"r u ok" he asked. He kissed my hand romanticly.

"yea sorry I mad u do that"

"its ok Samas is a librul so she hadit cumin" March said. I looked into his eyes. He was like if the looks of Jaykob and Juston Beeber were combined with the genus of Sean Hanety and Ross Limbog.** (So he's ugly and stupid?**) Expect he had blue hare. **(I'll take that as a yes.)** My hare was long and bland and really petty.

"u hat libruls to" I asked.

"yea me and Link and Icke r all borne-agen Christens" Marth said.** (I'd comment on this, but Serene Crimson Electrica pretty much took the words out of my mouth.)**

"cool can I meat everyone els" I sad.

"ok" so I climed on Marth's hoarse and rod too the manshan and went in side. In the manshan I met other Christens like Peach and Zelda and Ton Link and Pit and Nas and Luckas and Kerby and King Deedee and the Maryo bros (Mary and Lugia) and Sonec and Sold Snape, who was Marth's father (I dont think he was Marths father ibn the gam but wouldnt it be cool if he was) **(He isn't.)** and Clod Strafe and the real Master Chef (those 2 werent in smash bros for some resin but there in this). But their were also libruls like Bowser and Ganandorf and Waro and Donky Khan **(I hope "Donky Khan" walks over Sara's cold corpse by the end of this.)** and Diddy and Metal Nite and Picachoo and Pacman Tranner and the other Pacmans and Wolf and Fux Mcledo and Falcon and Captan Falco (who was Samas boyfrend b4 they both turd gay from a govermint vaksine). **(You don't become homosexual from a vaccine, you moron.)** I new I had my work cut out for me.


	3. Chapter 3

Stop atecking my storey! **(Why?)** God will juge u when u dye and if u insult Christens tehn he will send u too Hell! **(I...don't think that's how that works.) **And thanks 2 the people who said nice things. I no u will goto Haven. **(How?)** Also I no that Samas is a lesbain becuas when I firts playted I only saw her in amour soi thought she was a hot guy but then I usde her finale smash and fond out she was a gurl. **(So you're pissed that your fantasies of getting boned by Samus will never come true?**) I had to star at my pics off justan beber and jayncob 4 even longer then I usuely do wen Lauren comes over 2 kep me strait. (**Why would that make you straight? Beiber's a girl in all but name. Also, Jacob's a goddamn creep.)**

CHAP 3: HE FINALLE SMASH **(Oh, good, someone's finally smashing something.)**

the next day I was in my first mach of my carer.** (Weren't you trying to convert the Smashers to Christianity, not actually fighting?)** It was Me and Zelda fitting Bowzer and Falcor.** (Falcor! Holy shit, that guy's the best! I thought it was cool how they put him in Maley!)** We were the rad tem becuase were consercativs and they wear the blu tem becuas they wer libruls. **(Who says "rad" anymore?)** I was waerinmg a pretty red dress that everone expect the libruls complamented me on. **(Why?)** Boozer keeped breathing firs at us an Falco shat lazors form his gum.** (My god, we need to put Boozer and Falcor in Smash Bros 5.)** Zelda turne dinto Shrek and throw needs at Boozer and hit hem wiht a chan. **(Pffffft.)** Son bowsar was defet. **(I hope he fights Son Goku soon.)** Ten Falcor git a smash bell and sumoed a gina tank call a lendmaster and shat Zelda so she flyed of and loosed. **(Huh?)** I thout I was domed butthen I herd Gods vois.

"Sara! Remamber the powerz I give u at scool." I used on of the powers that God gav me and I insanely had my finale smash. **(You lost your mind already. What.)** I actived it and it cussed me to turn into an angle. **("Turn into an angle! TURN INTO AN ANGLE RIGHT NOW, YA STUPID BITCH!")** I used my holly powers to stroke down the lendmaster and defete Falco. **(HAAAAAAAAAAX)**

"this gams winer: rad tema" the narater said.

When I laft the fit Mart hwas waiting for me.

"OMG! that was amazon! I nerver seen someone us a finale smash withotu a smash ball b4!" he said.

"Its because of the powers God gave me." **(You mean the powers the HAX overlords gave you. Get it right.)**

"Cool. Now me and my dad are fitting Samas and Wario."** (Not-Snake isn't your dad, Not-Marth. Stop calling him that.)**

Greet! Ill wach" I said.

So tghe next fit began and Marth and Snake are the red team and Samas and Warop were ther blue team. Samas saw I was washing so she tred to deduce me with her lucius lips and huge beasts but I was strate so it didnt work **(You sure about that?)** and Mark hit her with his sord while she was distrected and his dad threw gonads at her.** (Oh, wow. I can't even with this.)** She got blowed up and lots a stack.

"Samas! Get ur had in the game! Present brock obana wode want us to kill all Christens," Waryo said. **(I can't...*sigh*)**

"Rite" Samas said. She ataked Marth and Snake.

Son everybuddy only had on stack left. Wart rain tords Snack and het him with a motosicle. He flowed off and explode.

"Father! NO!" Matt said. He ran at Waryo with is sore.** (When did Two Best Friends Play come into this? Is James Small gonna show up wielding a Sega Dreamcast?)**

"Ate hem!" Samasa sad.

"I cant im a librul vogon **(Don't read us your poetry, please.)** now so ican only eat vegetas." Waryo said. **(I don't think Vegeta would be very pleased about that.) **So Waryo was lose. It was a on-and-on fit betwine Samas and Marth.

"give it up Samas u no libruls cant won."

"never! BY THE POWAR OF LORD SANTA I SHALL BANESH U TOO SUBSPAS WORLD!" **(Not-Samus used "O RLY?"! It's super effective!)**

then a porthole openend an sucked. Math into subspas. The fite was over. The libruls had won. **(Gee, Not-Marth, maybe you shouldn't have gloated before you were about to win.)**

"wat did u do 2 my sun!" Snake said wen the match was over and marth didnt come back. **(She sent him into Subspace, which you'd know if you had paid attention.)**

"Ill never tell!" Samas said. She blowed me a kiss (witch I dogged) and waked away.** (You can't dodge a kiss. That's not how that works.)**

I was worred when Marth didnt come back. He still wasnt back for the tee party relay so I went with Clod Strafe insted. When I went to sleeped at nite I preyed for marth.** (Praying and sleeping at the same time? Is that even possible?)** Then I lacked the widows and doors so Samas couldnt rap me wile I sleeped.** (*imagines Not-Samus bursting into Sara's room and challenging her to a rap battle*)**

That nite I had horble nitmars that Math was farced too have gay sax with Satin and Bark Obameh. It was the scurrest thin ever! **(Apparently not to you, since you typed it out just fine.)**


	4. Chapter 4

Mary CHRISmes Eev everbuddy! **(Who's Chris?)** I hop the pepole who sad gopd thins abot my storey get what they want and the pepool who said bed thins donut.** (The people who didn't like this got donuts. That sounds good to me.)** Hopfully ican finish anutter chaptar 2morow but its CRISmos (NOT HAPY HOLDAYS LIBRULS) and I hav stuf with my famaly and then ill spend the knight at Laurens hose were well chang in2 are new close 4 each otter (I cant wate. Im shur shell be riley pritty). **(The lesbian subtext is strong with this one.)**

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CHAP 4: THE SERCH 4 MATRH **(...)**

the next day all off the Christens in the Manshon were locking for maerth. He was still not back from were Samas put him.** (Gee, I wonder why?)** I preyed and preyed that we woud found him but he was nowere near the manshon. I new I had to confont Samas about were Marth was but I new she woud try 2 rap me agen if I came along so I bringed Clod and Sonec and Maryo with me. **(Wow, Sarah's really scared of rapping for some reason.)** Samas wasin bad with 4 womens and they were kissing and dong it to each otter. **(Really?)**

"discussing!" Maryo vomated.

"stop it Samas!" Sonec said.

"girls sholdnt do that 2 otter girls!" Clod said. **(She's allowed to do whatever the hell she wants. It's part of this pesky little thing called 'free will'.)**

"Sara! U must jonus and be gay!" Samas and the otter lesbamns said.

"No! Im ten trillian percant strait!" I shatted. **(Again with the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy references. Stop it.)**

"ok then well gagrap u into been gay!" Samas and the other lesbans got outta bad. Clod pulled out his gina sore and smucked a lesban with it. **(Pulled out his what now?)** She flyed out the widow. Then Maryo shat furballs at anotter lesban and she burst into fame.** (Fun fact: furballs are very powerful, especially against living things.)** They Sonce rolled into a bill to defete another one and I used my unbettable marital arts on the other one. **(Oh, hey, my Mary Sue detector's going off again.)** Samas was bye herself.

"tellus were Marth is!" I smacked her. **(You already know where Marth is.)**

"No!" Samas said. I started stroking her with lighting from my fingers like in Stair Was becuz one of the powers God gave me was tobe a yeti with the forc. **(Force Lightning's a dark side power, you complete halfwit.)**

"Tell us now!"

"NECAR!" Samas said.

"Stop Sara ur 2 powerful if u keep atecking Samas shell die and than well never fond math!" Sonec said. I new he had a pint so I stapped using lighting on Samas.** (You stopped because you knew he had alcohol. Ok, then. That makes perfect sense.)** We had 2 find someone eels who could find Marth. I preyed that God wood show me were Mart was.

"Sara! Mark is in Subspas!" I herd God say.** ("Which you would have known if your ears worked worth a damn!")**

"Thanks God!" I sad back.

"Were is Marth" Maryo said.

"Hes in Subspas!" I said.

"Oh no how did u no!" Samas sad. **(...Are you fucking serious?)** Clod hit her with his sord to knack her unconshus.

"Not Subspas that place is terryfine!" Clod said.

"But we havto Marth is in treble!" I said.** (Why is he in...what?)**

"Well ned more people Snoop will want 2 cum too save his son and Lonk and Ick are Marth's beast pals.** (Marth has beast pals? Awesome!)** Zolta an Pech shuld came to and also Kerby and my bro Luweegee and Pete cuz hes an angle" Maro said.** (Pete for Smash Bros. 5. MAKE IT HAPPEN, NINTENDO.)** So we get everbuddy adn goto Subspas to fine Marth.

In Subspas were insanely atecked by Subspas stuff but we beet them. Then we find Master Han and Crazy Hanes.** (Han Solo is Master Hand. I'm trying to wrap my head around that.)**

"Whatter u dong her" Mister Hans said. **(And he's also Hans from Frozen. Ok, then!)**

"Weve cum 2 find Marth" I said. **(Ew. Just...no.)**

"No Sara u will dye!" Crazy Ham said. He tred to pinch me but I puled out my dads shitgun (its one of my specal movs no that im a smasher) and shat him until he ded. **(Ok, I have so many questions from this sentence alone.)** Than I did the sam to Master Hemp.

"Well dun but Marth is still mine" Tatu leder of Subspas came.** (30 minutes, a blink of an eye...30 minutes to alter our lives...)**

"ILL KILL U!" I said.** (What a wonderful Christian-like attitude to have.)** I tred too shat him but he took my gum away b4 I cold. **(Pfffffffffft.)**

"Ha! U shuld no im a librul so I allways take teh gins away!" He said.** (From maniacs like you.)** I was rite I shuld have nown that. I tred my lighting buthe bloked it. Tehn I tred all my otter atecks. **(Finally, some sanity in this story!)**

"who r u dong this" I aked "my powers cum form GOD!"** (...WHAT.)**

"yes wile mine come from Satin."

"Bit Santana is weeker then God!" **(And thus, a legend is born. Bit Santana: Gunslinger. Drifter. Legend. ****_Badass_****.)**

"Yes but im alos the antichris!"

"how r u relly" I said.** (You know how I said Chapter 1 had the most anti-climactic response possible? I take that back. This is worse.)**

So Taboo roped of his musk and reveled that he was a bleck guy. **(Oh, no. The horror.)** But he was wering a soot not gane close so I new he culd only be presadent brock obama!** (How did I see this coming?)**


	5. Chapter 5

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: My apologies for the hiatus to anyone who reads this. I had a ton of things to juggle, and I've fallen a bit behind. To make up for it, here's Chapter 5.**

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STOP WRATING BAD THANGS ABOUT MY STOREY! If yall dont ill tell Lauren to beet u up. **(I can't even with this.**) She rans crass country and plays batskeetball so shes in reel god shap (but she doesnt try to look manely or anythang becuz shes not a lesban and nether am I. We were makeup an nic close and put alota tim in r hare). **(This is beyond unsubtle, now.)** Alos my bro is a senor lintbecker on the hi school fatball teem so he cold beet yall up even easer. **(Why would your brother go out of his way to never mind I'm clearly overthinking things here.)** Marry CHRISmass (NOY HAPY HOLEDAY) to the good people who wote good revews! (Im up erly becuz im so excite. I no ill get godo stuff this yer) **(You sure about that?)**

CHAO 5: SARA VERSAILLES OBABA **(Heh, "Chao".)**

I stud infrant of Ibama, reddy too fite. He keeped taking about how he was the greetest evul 2 evar live and how he wood give my sole to Satin. **(This is sort of racist. And sad.)** I new I coldnt bet him in my curant stat, so I activated my finale smash.

"impassible! Noone can use there finale smash without a smash bell!" Brak Osama said. Now iwas moor powarfel then him and I quackly wan. **(Oh, silly me. And here I thought that we would actually have a decent length fight scene on our hands.)**

"Ha! Your alredy to late!" he laffed evully and flyed away "i hided Marth somewere in the Grate Mase tho." **(What.)**

"im to late what dos that men" I said. **(WHAT.)**

"idont no lets fine math" Kink said. **(Uuuuuuuuugh...)**

So we all went in2 the Miz to find Marth. **(Goddamnit, I knew the Miz had something to do with this.)** We seerch all over and fote bats aganst bad people their. But Mark was nowere to be fond. **(Worst. Rescue team. Ever.)** We war about to give up wen we herd the sowd of a musial cumin form one of the dores we werent in yet. We open the door and saw that Marth was insid with Captan Futon and a buncha otter gay guys. **(Who's Captain Futon?) **He was dress lik a dreg quin. He saw us and skiped over. **(Eeeeerrrrrrrrrgh.)**

"ew, dad. Those are last moths shos" he sed to Snack. **(Snake doesn't wear shoes, he wears boots.)** Snak was wering last months shoos but Marth shuldnt no that. **(Why not?)** He also taked with a hi-patched vois witha lasp insted of his normel depp manely vois. Captan Fakkon skiped up to. **(Where'd Captain Futon go?)**

"thisis me bofrend captan facon" Mark sad. then I relized wat happen. Marth was turn gay! **(You realized that just now?)**

"NO NOT MY SUN!" Snarf said.

"now wer gonna rap u an make yall gay to silly" Captan Vulcan said. **(Somewhere out there, an actual homosexual person's eye just twitched in anger.)** Tehnb Mark an Captan Favan and all the otter gays in The Room skiped at us. **("O hai Sara!"**) I new they culdnt make me gay becuz only getting repad by lesbans turns gurls gay but it was still scury. **(In your deluded mind, maybe.)**

Snale got ot his rockette luncher an shat rockettes at the gays and blowed a buncha them up but their wer to maney. Clod used a lamer brake to get rad of more gays. **(Cloud really shouldn't even be in this to begin with.) **Zelda shat furballs and used the dimand sheld thin b4 turning into Shaq and using kun fu and ninja stuff. **(So she turns into Shaq from Shaq Fu.)** Link throwed his bonerang and Ikr used his sord to held back the gays. Maryo and Loogey jamped on the gays heds to kill them. **(How would that even work?)** Peech throwed turdaps and Kerby hit them with his hummer. Sonec used supper sped ball on them and sence Pete is an angle he sant gays diretlay to hell usin the powar of God.** (Mother of- he doesn't even obey God! He obeys Palutena!**) Despit all these their war to many gays in The Room so we had too retret. Everbuddy ran out the dor expect Soldi Snak **(Cliché and anti-climactic sacrifice scene ahoy!)**

"cum on Snaek!" I shatted. **(Dude. EW.)**

"no yall leve ill hild tem of they alredy got my sun I hav noting to liv 4" Snack fired rockettes into the gays like a maidman wile ever1 elese ran out of the grate max. **(So Not-Snake's a maid now.)** Soon more gays and lesbans and otter libruls started poring out of the other doors. We wer trap. **(No shit.)**

"ono" I said. I thout I wold be rapped into a lesban and then id hav too kiss girls and stop wering makeup and start wering flanel and id only shop at homs deepo insted of gud storks. **(What the fu-)** Butthan mister han and crazie hen flyed out of the sky.

"hirry! Well crary u2 safe!" Masterham said. I new that God sent them to save us from the gay librusl. **(They were your enemies five seconds ago! What the hell?!)** They take us back 2 teh Manshan. I was gong to find Samas and beet her up 4 sending Marth to Subspas were he turd gay but she wasnt in the manshan she was shoping at helms deep becuz shes a lesban **(Pretty sure Helm's Deep isn't a store of any kind.)**

Since Math was gay no I went on a dat with Link insted. **(Wow. You lost your boyfriend and within a few minutes you're already dating another guy. Shallow, much?)** We eat at chickfila (Ha! Take that gays!) and then saw a movie. **(Why would eating at Chick-Fil-A be a take that towards anyone?)**


End file.
